Kitty Tossing Contest

The 2023 Kitty Tossing Contest Rules have been released!

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Welcome to the 2023 Kitty Tossing Contest! We strive to entertain and provide a forum for kitties and their humans to show off their skills!

The Kitty Tossing Board of Directors has proposed the following rules. The board has established a “kitty kitty,” whereby winnings are held in escrow until final winners are determined. The board makes every effort to keep entry fees for the contest low, and has no current method of enforcing its laws, nor does it provide a system of justice for kitties who may be mis-tossed, or for any reason placed into a lower-than-average cuteness level category, which normally results in a wait-list situation for next year.

The board requires all kitty-tossing activities be performed by trained experts, having scored satisfactorily in qualifying toss rounds and accepted the “Kitty End Tosser License Agreement” (“KETLA”).

The Rules

All tossers and tossees must adhere to the following rules:

  1. All kitty tossing activities are to be performed using rugs with a cushiness factor of at least 13 (based on “Mushy Cushy Carpeting Standards, 1997″)

  2. Under no circumstances should kitties hurt their feet.

  3. Kitties must begin each exercise by being carefully brought to the human’s shoulder, facing “south.”

  4. Human can outstretch either arm, but only one, in a forward (north) direction, with the elbow leading and arm bent, and fist to chest. Upon assuming this posture (“half-an-arm posture”), arm-switching is not permitted. Kitty must begin to move onto outstretched half-arm within 10 seconds, and launch within 13 seconds (14 seconds for under-one-year “Wonder Pusses”).

  5. The goal is to be clearly marked on the rug.

  6. Slow-motion, hi-res video cameras will track each kitty-toss, assuring accurate measurements and fair competition.

  7. Kitties will be judged on the following skills:

a. Being cute
b. Accuracy
c. Additional cuteness points
d. Unforeseen additional cuteness activities
e. Courage
f. If they sleep on you
g. Beautifulness
h. Loveliness
i. Claw generosity
j. Conversationalness
k. Ear whisker length
l. Enunciation
m. Invisibleness

Winners will be notified by “Chicken of the Sea” parcel service.

In related news, the winner of the “Hound Kitty” Song Lyrics Contest, in the “Meowbic Pentameter” category, is Mark Urso!

Here’s what he sent us!

“There was a little kitty
Named Penelope
She was itchin’ for some Friskies, or some
Chicken of the Sea!

Oh she had no natural predators,
‘Cause she never went outside
But she needed a can opener
In order to survive!”

  • Mark Urso – “Fat Fish”


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