If a Dog Walked Into a Bar

If a Dog Walked Into a Bar

If a dog walked into a bar
Would it be smoking a cigar

It just isn’t something I can ask my cat
‘Cause I don’t think she knows about that

She doesn’t smoke, because it’s addictin’
Somethin’ she learned when she was just a little kitten

So that’s that!

Besides, unless he’s an unusual bloke
Most of the dogs I know don’t smoke

At least not out in the open
And they don’t have any lips

He’d have to hold the thing in his teeth
And it’d probably just make him sick

There you go!

But does … he walk in the bar on two feet?
Waving around his cigar?

Do you think a smoking dog
Would have a fancy car?

And you know when you phrase it that way
I can see him walking this way!

Me too!

I know that it seems like a dream
Just a vision in a puff of smoke

But doesn’t he have little glasses too
And maybe a stick that he uses to poke?

Maybe he rode on a horse into town
It just seems he might be that way

You don’t say!

Does he trip on his tail, after chugging a few ales
‘Cause if he ruins the joint, the cigar ain’t the point!

I can tell by the look in his eye
This puppy has come to play!

Oh no!

These things can get out of hand
I don’t want to get caught in the fray

This place, ain’t got no rules
And the dog’s gonna elaborate!

Is that good?

The tradition fits like a glove or a mitten
I can see it comin’ like it’s already written

And I think the cigar adds a glam touch, eh?
Makes it look, like he’s got somethin’ to say!

Oy Veh!

So … when a dog walks into a bar
And when that dog’s smokin’ a cigar

And when you look right into his eyes
There’s probably going to be a punchline!


– Mark Urso


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