Dear Fred The Manatee,

You lazy bastard.

You don’t know what I like! I’m a big fan of manatees; I just don’t like you! You can punch me in the nose any time; it would be funny. I could move my nose easily before you ever reached it.

Ever since the TV documentary, you manatees have done nothing but bask in the glory. Now I come up with a good name and you think you can just steal it? You won’t get a nickel.

And I don’t think you’ll ever get past forming a committee, and by the way, moving to Mexico was my idea, too. Are you going to make another documentary and claim you came up with all these ideas?

I think I’ll put your face on the cover of the CD.

Your Friend,


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